This is the future. I can’t be bothered to explain all the cool features but watch the video if you like that sort of thing. Also watch it if you like geeks making lame gags and using words like ‘shiny’ to mean cool. Which, by the way, they cribbed from Firefly, as well as the ‘Wave’ concept itself (or at least the name).


…at least if you’re a binge drinker, which, let’s face it, we all are. According to scientists at the University of California cannabis protects cells that are damaged by alcohol. In support of this someone called Paul Armentano said:

Alcohol and cannabis appear to have contrasting effects on the body…ethanol is clearly toxic to healthy and developing cells whereas cannabinoids appear to be relatively non-toxic and possibly even neuro-protective.

That’s good enough for me.

CricketSo we’ve regained the Ashes and that’s all well and good, but do we have the intangible ‘aura’ that Strauss claims the Aussies have lost? And have they actually lost it? I’m not so sure.

Have a look at the two sides and, well, there really is no comparison. Take the swarthy, gum-chewing Brad Haddin for example, caked in sunscreen and constantly chirping away at our hapless batsmen. Compare him to his opposite number, Matt Prior, a man apparently ageing Benjamin Button-style, who looks about as intimidating as, err…Graham Swann. They have Mike Hussey, we have Paul Collingwood; they have Peter Siddle, we have Stewart Broad. You get where I’m going with this.

And then there’s Ricky Ponting, a man who looks like I would imagine a convict looking like if I’d never seen a convict before, which, come to think of it, I haven’t. He has a cool weather-beaten cap and a permanent 5 o’clock shadow. In other words, he looks like a bad boy. Compare him with our leader and figurehead Strauss, with his high-pitched voice and gaylord wedding ring necklace. Who looks more like winning a game of cricket?


Three wrinkly gig suggestions for the autumn:


Probably of those ‘more important than they were good’ bands, join former Buzzcocks front man Howard Devoto for a night of post-punk. Everyone from Morrissey to Radiohead has covered them – check out their flagship tune Shot by Both Sides.

Dinosaur Jr

Back with the original line-up and a new record, Dinosaur Jr can’t really be classified as anything. Noisy yet melodic songs that don’t really go anywhere; heavy guitar solos, lots of feedback. And really really loud. Check out what they did to The Cure.

UK Subs

What’s not to love? An old school punk band fronted by a former R and B singer, and with tracks such as ‘Drunken Sailor’ and ‘666 Yeah’, the Subs have been going for 33 years and have gone through no less than 28 drummers. Also each of their albums starts with a different letter of the alphabet; they’ve got to V already so time is running out…


It’s just a little bit of a penis and really doesn’t interfere much with my life

Apparently Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite! If you want in no way conclusive proof then check out this article and video, brought to us by that most trustworthy of news sources, the Evergreen State College Examiner.

Good news, readers! The irritant known as Hardeep Singh Kohli, the paradigm E-list BBC mule who slowly invades the TV without you really noticing, is in hot water. Apparently he behaved ‘inappropriately’ towards a female member of staff on The One Show – read all about it here, and note how the Guardian laughably labels him a ‘comedian’.

Aside from HSK’s disgrace, the Kohli family in general look like a bit of a dodgy bunch. Most of them have been issued with warnings over their conduct as landlords, after several properties they own (they appear to have a mini-empire) were deemed ‘grubby and dirty’. They blamed all this attention on a ‘racist vendetta’, using brother Raj’s rather convenient position as the Met’s highest-ranking Sikh officer as a soapbox.

Anyway, the good news bit is that HSK’s been suspended from The One Show for 6 months, so there’ll be less of his mug on the telly. Having said that, I never actually watch The One Show. I did tune in once to gauge the alleged sexual tension between Christine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles, but then I realised Eggheads was on at the same time.

Hats off to Visage and Cranium for getting us started – it’s now DJP’s turn to enter the fray. Patroclus has no domain per se, he will write about what he knows and about what he likes, and sometimes a heady combination of the two. This inaugural post fits into the latter category – perhaps not everyone’s cup of tea – but then esotericism is a fundamental tenet of Radio Free Puma, so deal with it children.

The lyrics to NOFX’s ‘Kill Rock Stars’ are as follows:

‘Kill the rock stars’
How ironic, Kathleen
You’ve been crowned the newest queen
Kinda like the punk rock Gloria Steinem
You can’t change the world by hating men
Can’t change the world by blaming men
Alternative slash Republican

Just ‘cause I don’t know the reason you’re so pissed
Don’t dare tag me misogynist
I thought the goal here was mutual respect
Not constructing a separate sect
I wish I could have seen Courtney
Demonstrate some real misogyny
Can’t change the world by hating men

Ostensibly this is a decent stab at an anti-feminist punk song (and is by no means a NOFX classic) but its references merit further investigation and Patroclus hopes readers find the results vaguely informative:

•‘Kathleen’ is a reference to Kathleen Hanna, lead singer of Bikini Kill, raging feminist, and chief exponent of the so-called ‘Riot Grrrl’ movement of the early 90s, which can be crudely surmised as a load of uppity feminists trying to be punks. Readers should note that crude surmising is an activity Patroclus has a tendency to engage in.

Kill Rock Stars was the name of Kathleen Hanna’s record label and home to many of the Riot Grrrl groups.

Gloria Steinem was (and still is) a notorious feminist, most active in the 70s and famous for her Address to the Women of America – less famous for marrying Christian Bale’s Dad. As a youngster Kathleen Hanna went to see Steinem speak, and so the seed grows. Whether Fat Mike had realised this before penning the lyrics we don’t know, but let’s assume not because it makes him look that bit cooler.

Anyway, Hanna got her knickers in a twist (perhaps unsurprisingly) when Fat Mike dedicated the song ‘Liza and Louise’ to Bikini Kill whilst performing live in Hawaii. ‘Kill Rock Stars’ is his riposte to her criticism. The ‘I wish I could have seen Courtney…’ lyric relates to a long-running feud between Courtney Love and Kathleen Hanna which culminated in them having a scrap backstage at the Lollapalooza festival in 1995. Love was eventually charged with assault and had to go to anger management classes. The reason for the fracas, regardless of a snide comment or two, was essentially because Love saw Hanna as a threat; she had known Kurt Cobain since the late 80s in Seattle and her band mate Tobi Vail had dated him during the pre-Nevermind years.

In fact, Kathleen Hanna is responsible for the world’s greatest ever piece of graffiti (apart from this perhaps). She wrote ‘Kurt Smells Like Teen Spirit’ on the wall of his flat (teen spirit, as you may or may not be aware, was a cheapo deodorant brand at the time and worn by Vail). And, well, we all know where that went.

So there you have it – five minutes of your life wasted or an insightful glimpse into 90s subculture? You decide. Just remember ladies, you can’t change the world by hating men.